Michael Richards: Not a Jew.

Toldja so. He’s not Jewish. Which makes him even more of a bigot, what with now also being charged with anti-Semitic rants as well.

Last week, crisis-management expert Howard Rubenstein acknowledged that Richards had shouted anti-Semitic remarks in an April standup comedy routine well before his appearance earlier this month in which he harangued hecklers with the n-word. But he defended Richards’ language about Jews, saying that the comic “is Jewish. He’s not anti-Semitic at all. He was role-playing.”

As Rubenstein’s assertion circulated, Jewish organizations and commentators pointed out that the man who played Cosmo Kramer on “Seinfeld” has not converted to Judaism and neither of his parents are Jewish.

Right. Not Jewish. How does his idiot publicist spin this?

“Technically, not having been born by blood as Jewish and not formally going into a conversion, it was purely his interpretation of having adopted Judaism as his religion,” Rubenstein told The Associated Press on Tuesday. “He told me, `I’m Jewish,’ when I asked him.

“He said there were two mentors who raised him and who had a big influence on his life, and they were Jewish. He said, `I agree with the concepts and the religious beliefs of Judaism and I’ve adopted Judaism as my religion,'” Rubenstein said. “He really thinks of himself as Jewish.”

You know, I really think of myself as telekinetic. Therefore, I can move objects with my mind.

Oh, yeah. Logic sets in. You see, Michael Richards is as Jewish as I am telekinetic.

I’m going to guess that the closest he’s ever come to Jewish is being circumsized as a baby. And I wouldn’t lay odds on that.

And now, let the bigot magnet commence, so I can get more samples for my freakmail folder. I’ll use it in another podcast someday.