Why don’t Israeli soldiers rape Palestinian women?

It appears that I have missed a huge brouhaha lately.

A research paper that won a Hebrew University teachers’ committee prize finds that the lack of IDF rapes of Palestinian women is designed to serve a political purpose.

The abstract of the paper, authored by doctoral candidate Tal Nitzan, notes that the paper shows that “the lack of organized military rape is an alternate way of realizing [particular] political goals.”

You can guess that all them pro-Israeli bloggers jumped on the poor Tal as proverbial flies on the proverbial… no, this is not the metaphor I need… well, let’s say they have just jumped on her and not in order to rape the poor aspiring doctoral candidate in sociology.

Now it is up to me, I am afraid, to straighten the pro-Israeli side in the dispute. Because you happen to be wrong, ladies and gentlemen!

So, our doctor-to-be claims that our soldiers don’t rape Palestinian women because of a political/racial imperative, which is apparently very simple: the fear that the offspring of this union will not be recognized as Jewish.

The other (pro-Israeli) side claims that the soldiers don’t rape for the following reasons (different reasons from different sources):

• Moral probity
• Coming from a culture that forbids and condemns rape
• Being under strict orders and fearing a possible court martial on the spot
• Etc.

Of course, such preposterous claims could come only from the members of academy who have never observed an IDF soldier in his natural environment. It is widely known that the moment an Israeli dons the uniform, he immediately transforms into a hungry, horny and cruel creature whose ability to rape the defenseless population is matched only by his blood thirst. And don’t make me laugh with your funny court martial. The only possible court martial for an IDF soldier could be caused by him raping the brigade commander’s secretary (keep dreaming, soldier…)

And of course, Tal Nitzan is absolutely right: the only thing that could stop this frenzied rapist a fraction of a second before the dastardly deed is carried out and, indeed, make him totally disabled (from this specific point of view, we mean) is the thought about the consequences. Indeed, only the knowledge that the fruit of his loins will be considered an Arab is sufficient to deny the colonizer and oppressor the mere ability to reach this ultimate pleasure.

So cool down, please.

Now, I don’t want to be blamed for purely destructive criticism. This wasn’t the purpose of my post. In fact, to satisfy Dr Nitzan on one hand and the pro-Israeli crowd on the other, I have a proposal that will create a bridge between the warring sides. Since in that research something named “organized military rape” was mentioned, it gave me the idea.

From now on military rape will become organized indeed. Every soldier in the field will be accompanied by an Orthodox Rabbi. The rabbi will guide the soldier to the most desirable object of the next rape, assist him in the execution of the said act and perform a special short military ceremony converting the freshly raped person into Judaism. The said ceremony* to be developed by the Chief IDF Rabbi without undue delay.

Clearly this measure will have a lot of positive effects:

• A solution for the precarious demographic balance in the region
• An increased motivation to serve and lowered frustration level of IDF soldiers
• Compliance of the new IDF with Dr Nitzan’ thesis = calm in the academic circles and, eventually:
• Expedited peaceful solution of the Israeli/Palestinian crisis (after all, it is said “Make love not war”)
• The last, but not the least – drastic reduction in frequency of sexual offenses in Israel

To be carried out immediately – by the authority of the Elders.

(*) A special version of the conversion ceremony to be developed for the adherents of the Conservative and Reformist fractions each in short order.

(**) I have really read (part of) the learned opus by Tal Nitzan. Being schooled in precise sciences, I wonder more and more what kind of “research” is being done by some branches of science at the expense of the tax payer. The paper, while not as bad as the linked above INN article is trying to show, is full of pseudo-scientific jargon to the brim and is hardly readable by a normal person. Well, I guess, this is the purpose of people who are in need of a degree… However, the quote by INN, while taken out of context, is precise. And mind-boggling.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews.