Assbomber – harbinger of a new era: the anal Jihad

It looks like Al Qaeda’s search for a new configuration of a suicide bomber is over, and we all are witnessing the beginning of a new era – the ascent of assbombers.

The failed assassination attempt on Prince Muhammad Bin Naif, Assistant Minister of Interior for Security Affairs, Thursday night was planned by Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula which operates from Yemen, sources confirmed.

…

Okaz sources said the bomb was implanted in the attacker’s rectum, which could explain why he refused to drink coffee at the Prince’s Court.

I am not sure what does this refusal to drink coffee have to do with the bomb, taking its location in the account. Anyway judging by the fact that the bomber detonated himself only a meter away from the Prince, and still missed his target, there is some room (oh well, who knows?) for improvement. Perhaps hollowing the assbomber out and filling the empty space with more explosives, nails and steel balls will do the trick.

Another reason to be worried about practicality of the new method is necessity to avoid foods that cause flatulence for fear of premature detonation. If you peruse the last link, you shall see that Middle Eastern diet is a sure recipe for mishaps of that kind.

On the positive (for Al Qaeda) side: further development and streamlining of this weapon could lead to a totally new kind of guided missiles that wouldn’t require any complicated electronics and guiding gadgets. Just give them a map and start the countdown to ignition!

As for the ideological aspect of the new development: does it mean that Al Qaeda is going back to its sources?

Or, in other words.

Thanks to Elder Of Ziyon.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews