You’ll never take me alive, Copper!

Posted on 02/20/2006 by Meryl Yourish

Osama Bin Laden has released a new audiotape in which he swears he’ll never be captured alive.

The tape appeared to be a complete version of one that was first broadcast Jan. 19 on Al-Jazeera, the pan-Arab satellite channel, in which bin Laden offered the United States a long-term truce but also said his al-Qaida terror network would soon launch a fresh attack on American soil.

“I have sworn to only live free. Even if I find bitter the taste of death, I don’t want to die humiliated or deceived,” bin Laden said. He also said U.S. actions in Iraq were comparable to the actions of the ousted Iraqi leader.

Hey, I’m cool with that. You too? Great.

Do us all a favor though, and die already. Now would be good.

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6 Responses to You’ll never take me alive, Copper!

  1. Laurence Simon says:
    02/20/2006 at 12:21 pm

    I see him lying in state at the UN with a UN flag over him, Kofi weeping.

  2. Joseph T Major says:
    02/20/2006 at 6:23 pm

    Can we see him on the top of the hill above his cavern, Tokarev automatic in each hand, firing wildly and shouting (in Arabic, of course), “Look at me, Ma! Top of the World!”?

    Well, we can always hope.

  3. Paul M says:
    02/20/2006 at 8:23 pm

    “Even if I find bitter the taste of death”

    What’s with that? Isn’t he looking forward to his virgins? I thought good Jihadis embraced death and it was the Jews who loved life. Wait… Damn, those Zionists are clever.

  4. cond0010 says:
    02/21/2006 at 3:15 am

    “I have sworn to only live free.”

    Sounds like he loves democracy. No … wait… thats freedom for himself. My mistake. :)

  5. Drew W says:
    02/21/2006 at 5:48 am

    Boy, nobody was as amazed by this story as I was. Imagine — Osama Bin Laden says he won’t be taken alive.

    I was sure that he would eventually turn himself in, cop a plea and hire Sanford Rubinstein or Gerald Shargel. (What — like he’d hire an Arab lawyer?)

    And maybe it’s just me, but when I read that quote from Bin Laden that he’s sworn to “live free,” images of a khaki-clad Virginia McKenna pop into my head, and I feel an uncontrollable urge to sing: “Born free/As free as the wind blows/As free as the grass grows/Born free to follow your heart . . .”

    Okay, maybe it is just me.

  6. The Doctor says:
    02/21/2006 at 9:00 am

    Even better is the latest audio where #2 [which is an appropriate nickname for the Al-Qaida second-in-command] says that despite Bush’s crimes and black history, he is welcome to convert to Islam…

    [insert joke here]

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