This is why I own cats

I have made several interesting discoveries about the dieffenbachia (besides how to spell its name correctly) that I received as a going-away present from my team at Large Financial Company in Richmond:

When you leave it alone in your home overnight due to an impending snowstorm that utterly fizzles out in Richmond, but still gets you the day off from teaching religious school, it wilts from lack of attention. Or perhaps it was the lack of water. But, when you water it, within a few hours, the leaves (with the exception of the few lost to Darwinian evolution, sucks to be them) will spring back to their normal upright position.

When you leave it alone over the weekend, even after watering it on Friday with the distinct impression that watering it a little on Friday will not cause it to wilt from neglect over the weekend, you discover your error on Monday morning, as well as a plant that is beginning to resemble the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. You pour large quantities of water on it, trying not to make them so large that the overwatering thing occurs (and hello, what happens to plants when it rains like hell outdoors? Howcome they never do the thing outdoors that they do indoors when we water them too much?), and wait, and wonder if it will recover, this time, taking the dead leaves off, since the plant has so conveniently moved aside and exposed them for you.

Then you find out that there is always a dry, hot wind in your building, what with all the servers on the floor, and their being on 24 hours a day, and that that is probably what took out your plant (besides the not watering it enough on Friday thing.)

Then comes the other discovery: It takes about three hours for the plant to fully recover from thirst.

Which leads me to my conclusion: The dieffenbachia is a drama queen.

Next week: I’m going to read my tech document aloud to it and see if it keels over from boredom.