The high holidays carry with them a high probability of all kind of supernatural phenomena. There is that special feeling of the air being charged by expectation of some otherworld spirit showing itself to mere mortals and pointing out to us the errors of our ways. This is precisely what happened to yours truly the other night.
Some kind of deity descended to me in the middle of the night, and its luminosity was such that it penetrated every corner of my dark soul. Its face was terrible and too frightening to behold, so I didn’t behold and thus cannot describe it in details. Suffice to say that I was awed enough to listen to every word. This is the discussion that ensued:
“You, SnoopyTheGoon (some nickname this wretch has chosen) are a sinner. No more are we ready to close our eyes on your wicked ways. If you do not do anything to redeem yourself quickly…”
“But I want to, oh deity,” interjected I only too readily, “just give me the chore”.
“Then you are to become the guardian angel of Mulham Assir whom you have dubbed ‘the spitting cobra’. We put you in charge of positive criticism of his articles. No more of your cynical nihilistic views, no more of your kneebiting remarks – is it clear? We have perused the three posts you have written about Mulhie, and this kind of shit must stop. Oh, and you may continue calling him ‘the spitting cobra’, we rather like this fighting image. And stop kvetching or else.”
This is how it came to be that I am saddled with the task of being Mulhie’s guardian angel. My role is now to positively criticize and advise him on his articles, and I have chosen four of them for starters.
Bravo, Mulhie! I am especially proud of your masterly usage of the language reading the following:
The only force that can stop Israel and force it to end the carnage against Lebanon, end the Nazi-like camp running of Gaza, to withdraw from all stolen Arab lands that rightfully belong to one group or another of the Arab nation are the people, the Arab nation. The same force, and only that force can help liberate Iraq.
This is the way, man! No mincing your words, no hiding behind false politeness! You show them Zionazis!
Al Qaeda’s Arabic Discourse: American with a Hebrew Accent?
You are the first, Mulhie, to suspect and to get out of the closet the super-secret link between Al-Qaeda and the Zionists. Some people might wonder at the turn of speech you are using here:
It is amazing how protean “Al-Zawahiri” and his “Al Qaeda” are in their supposedly immutable goals: they promote sectarian slaughter in Iraq (against the “infidel” shias), but they also wish to help the same “infidels” in Lebanon. The Zionist propaganda machine in Washington hastens to dispel the confusion and patch over the strange inconsistency: the Sunni extremists of Al Qaeda, they tell us, have overcome their hostility towards the shias in the interest of their jihad against Israel.
But you, Mulhie, and I – we both know that the Elders took control of Washington ages ago, and the only reason ZOG does not use Hebrew is purely technical – some people just do not take to this difficult barbaric language.
And your clarity of vision is incomparable – you have got to the bottom of so called “Al-Zawahiri”, not to speak about the mythical “Bin Laden” – Zionist agents both, so here. Good job, mate.
Nasrallah – Leadership and Restraint
A lot of ink has been used in attempts to draw a portrait of the leader of the Lebanese resistance against the Israeli aggression, Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, and to pinpoint those leadership qualities that explain his incredible achievement, namely, leading the Lebanese resistance forces to push the Israeli war machine out of Lebanon and thwarting this phase of the larger plans of the colonialist superpowers for “a new Middle East.”
Some might say, Mulhie, that you went too far with that praise. After all, these Zionist lackey dogs might mention, it is because of Hon. Sheikh Nasrallah that the Israeli war machine got to be in Lebanon in the first place. And that pushing out you hail, they will add, happened only because Condoleezza told them to go away. But you and I, we know better. Don’t we?
Our enemies might also claim that the level of brown-nosing you are displaying in this article is beyond merely shameful, it is even vomit-inducing. But again – you and I are both of Levantine origins, and our noses are fairly brown as it is, so a bit of professional brown-nosing will not make a significant change, will it?
A Word of Advice to the Vatican
This one is the best so far. Your crowning achievement, I swear to Allah. You don’t even suspect how close to the truth have you got in this passage:
The only explanation is that this is his offering of repentance for the sins of his youth, hoping for Zionist mercy. It is pathetically futile: the Zionists will never expunge the Hitler Jugend information from his dossier. It is too valuable and will always be held over his head.
Oh, man, if I could only show you that dossier! I mean, leave Hitler Jugend alone – there are some pictures that will blow your mind away as sure as taxes and Ramadan. The first time I have seen it, I have blown my lunch, man…
And of course, mercy is out of the question. Zionists don’t know no mercy. People who are taught from the tender age to drink goyim’s blood at breakfast time, are not into mercy. Mercy – shmercy, they say.
So, keep plugging, my little spitting cobra. Do not listen to your detractors and remember: any question or problem, here I am, you faithful guardian angel. Keep you nose brown and your tongue sharpened.
Cross-posted on SimplyJews
Wow, Qaeda kidnapped a thesaurus!
Hey! This kind of deity of yours into plagiarism?