Thieves with no taste turn out to be stupid, too

From my brother, another article to lift the mood around here:

Man hides in box, robs Kmart of $80,000 in goods

Okay, we’re talking Kmart, a company not known for employing rocket scientists. And we’re talking thieves, a profession not known for including rocket scientists.

EAST BRUNSWICK — Making like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, a man hid inside a furniture box at Kmart until closing time and, according to police, swept the jewelry department nearly clean of merchandise early yesterday.

But it wasn’t a sentimental change of heart that foiled this heist.

First, an observation: This Grinch analogy falls completely flat. It’s not like the guy was trying to steal presents from a children’s charity. He was trying to steal jewelry. From Kmart.

Which leads us to my second observation: Oh, no! Not Kmart jewelry! Good heavens, what next? Target? Or—dare I say it—Kohl’s?

Lugging more than $80,000 of jewelry in a duffle bag stolen from the store and wearing a mask the suspect, Greg G. Giannotta, set off an alarm as he fled the Route 18 store, alerting police officers who were inspecting buildings nearby, police said.

As I said: Not the brightest bulb on the tree. Of course he tripped an alarm. All those stores have door alarms that are set, gee, when the store closes. And figuring it’s Kmart jewelry, I’m betting he had to “lug” that duffle bag. It was probably the giant economy size. I mean, what’s Kmart’s top seller go for? Are you ready for this? A 1/2ct tw Invisible-Set Princess Diamond Drop Pendant with Chain 14K Yellow Gold – Size 18 for $501. Hoo-baby! I want me one of those!

Wait, wait—I found one that’s fairly pricey after all. It’s a 1 carat diamond necklace, for the low, low price of $2268. I’m guessing, though, that there aren’t many of those in stock.

They saw Giannotta running from the store, but when he realized police spotted him, he attempted to walk casually, police said.

This guy’s a genius. The cops see him running from the store, carrying a duffle bag, so when he notices the police, he decides that if he only acts casually, they’ll think he was just running with a duffle bag to, oh, catch a bus, or something. But wait. It gets even funnier.

Giannotta went into the store about 8 p.m. Sunday, shoplifted tools for the burglary, a duffle bag and a full set of clothing to change into.

He then went to the furniture department and hid in the box, waiting for the store to
close. Sometime around midnight, Giannotta changed into the shoplifted clothes, emerged from the box and went to the jewelry section.

With employees still working in the store, Giannotta pried open the jewelry cases and loaded his duffle bag with gold and assorted jewelry.

“It was pretty much everything they had,” Strempek said.

An employee yelled for the manager to call 911, and Giannotta fled.

Remember, after running out of the store with the duffel bag filled with jewelry, he sees a police car—I assume with lights flashing—speed into the parking lot, so he slows down and tries to look casual. The result?

After a struggle, Giannotta, 36, of Old Forge, Pa., was arrested at 12:25 a.m.

They caught his accomplice a few hours later.

Well, we can all sleep more soundly now. The East Brunswick, NJ Kmart has its jewelry back. The crime against the store has been cracked. The crime against taste, well, there’s not much we can do about that.