I hate bugs. I really hate bugs. And I really hate that this species of cricket looks like a cockroach, and one of them was on my counter a few minutes ago, and that I had to spend a good few minutes chasing it around the kitchen counter, trapping it beneath the Rubbermaid mat, then getting it out of there and in the sink and out of the sink until finally, I—wait a minute. I know it got on the floor, and I know that I slammed my catch-and-release cup over it, but I’ll be damned if I can remember how it got on the floor. Oh, wait. There was a pot and my trying to smash/grab it, and somehow it got swept off the counter and it ran along the cabinet until I swept it out with the pot and then clamped the cup over it.
And while I took a breath to recover and shudder a bit, Tig wandered over to the kitchen and said, “Hey, there’s something under this cup,” causing me to shriek “Get away from that! Out! Out!” and causing him to say, “What-EVER. Geez. Crazy human.”
Then I studied the cup, sure that the cricket was big enough to start moving it like a turtle’s shell, trying to figure out what to put under it so that the cricket wouldn’t get away before I got it out of the house. A nice, stiff piece of cardboard, I thought, but y’know, there’s never any cardboard around when you really need it. So I went to my clutter shelf, and decided that a CD would do. Myst? Nah, I may actually play that thing again someday. Five-year-old TurboTax? Perfect. In a soft plastic sleeve, too, so it’d fit nicely under the cup. Slid it under, decided back door, not front, and then picked up the cup, with the cricket fluttering madly inside. Out we went, to the edge of my patio, so it couldn’t fly right back in the door, move CD, throw cup madly so cricket is flung away from the house, then retreat quickly indoors.
Yeah, go ahead, laugh. But while you’re laughing, go check out this picture, and let me assure you that the cricket was a good two to three inches long, and I could see every little bit of it while it was standing on my butterknife, presumably eating the butter on the end of it.
This is why I have a bugs category. Summertime in Richmond is filled with bugs. And may I say: Ew.
I recently saw a picture of an Iraqi Camel Spider. I now support pulling out our troops and nuking the entire country. I think that’s an acceptable level of civilian deaths to eradicate this species.
Go ahead, google it. I’m not looking for a link. I don’t ever want to see a picture of one again.
Aw, isn’t that cute.
Meryl, I have to admit I’m not as humane as you. I grab a rolled-up newspaper and go primeval on the little buggers until they’re flat.
Yeah, but I hate squishing bugs. Especially big ones. Totally grosses me out.
Eric, did you find the hoax picture of the camel spider that makes it look big enough to eat a dog? That’s the camera angle. They’re not that big.