Reader (and my firearms instructor) Stretch sent me this, which I present for your amusement.
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t
help because I fall faster than you can run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. I know this for a fact; it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is neither required nor appreciated.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.
I love it!
And no droping the critter you caught outside in my lap during a meal.
This guy obviously has no concept of proper priorities. When the great feline overlord invasion occurs, those naked apes who showed obeisance to the scouts of the Great Hrowr-Captain will receive mercy. All others will be confined to feedlots to provide a constant source of sport and protein. I, for one, welcome our new feline overlords. I’d like to remind them that I can be of great service rounding up other humans to work in their underground catnip mines.
Ha! Excellent! My cat is all into that stairway/racetrack idea.
I don’t know. I thought it was very fair of Ingrid the cat when she came here to split the bed with me, half to each. Unfortunately, her half is the middle part so I am occasionally roused in the middle of the night as I am shoved over to my part.
However, Ingrid and I have at least this in common: we both get away with a lot because we’re so damned cute.
Check out Meebo’s blog for a great clever cat story. It’s here.
I too welcome our feline overlords, and volunteer to provide petting, skritches and tummyrubs. I also grow catnip. All I ask in return is that they help us find a cure for cat allergies.
It didn’t take long for this to spread far and wide. I logged in this morning to send it to several friends and found an email from my cousin (in Illinois) with the story enclosed!!! Having had cats as well as dogs, both my husband and I are chuckling about it every time we look at our dog. He just has to follow us into the bathroom, perhaps because he thinks he might coax a treat from us for his escort service?!!!
IllanoyGal in Hawaii
Love it. Will copy the URL and post it.
chsw