Last week marked my seventh anniversary as a resident of central Virginia. Since I’ve moved from New Jersey, I have done a number of things in Virginia that I never did in NJ. They are, in part:
- Voted for a Republican for President (twice)
- Voted for a Republican for Congress
- Went to a shooting range and fired a handgun
- Went to a shooting range and fired a rifle
- Went to a gun show
- Bought a handgun
- Bought a rifle
- Keep a loaded handgun in my home, easily accessible at all times
- Spent Fourth of July on an Army base
- Discovered beef barbecue
- Went to a county Beef Festival
- Joined a synagogue
- Taught religious school
- Attending synagogue regularly
- Bought a condo
- Changed my political leanings from liberal to centrist, with some issues on the right (and a few still left)
- Muttered “Damn NJ driver” when a NJ driver annoyed me on the road
- Went to two Republican political rallies
- Say “That’s fine” instead of “Okay.”
- Added “Yes Ma’am” to my vocabulary
So my question to my fellow Southerners is: Can I call myself a Southerner now, or am I still one of those damned Yankees who came to stay? (A Yankee comes to visit. A damned Yankee comes to Virginia and stays here.)
I guess you have to shoot one NJ driver (at least) first…
I don’t see anything on that list about drinking sweet tea, so no.
I just realized that I’ve lived more than half of my life in the south. In fact I had as of about 3 years ago. (Unless you count living on Duke campus as not living in the south, in which case I say “fair enough.”)
You still have not tasted of the Chatham Artillery Punch. And I see no mention of grits.
But that’s merely a quibble. The real question is, would you rather be in Virginia amongst the Virginians, or in New Jersey? If you give the nod to Virginia, I’d give you leave to call yourself a Southerner… by choice, rather than birth.
Based on my experience with religious converts – Jews by choice are often far more committed to their belief system than Jews by birth – I’d say you have the edge. You voted with your feet. And your moving truck.
I moved to Virginia years ago too and had mostly similar experiences except I didn’t become
more religious and I was already conservative, but I have some to add.
I’ve used, “Ya’all” in a sentence.
Properly.
And I’ve also used the word “fixing” in a future tense. As in, “I’m fixin’ to …(do that)”.
That one set me back.
Gettin’ there. A few suggestions (some of which have been touched upon):
Order tea sweet (aka 40 weight tea) when ever possible.
Take your bourbon only with water (no ice).
Added the words “Big ol'” to descriptions of trucks or cars.
The synagogue precludes “real” BBQ and scrapple but Beef BBQ qualifies.
Grits are perfect for breakfast or patching the driveway, timing is everything.
Do you own videos of:
Smoky and the Bandit?
Cool Hand Luke?
Thunder Road?
Awesome & amusing post in every way. I think we need to start a new ‘birthright’ program and begin moving more Jews from NY & NJ southward clearly, in general.
A friend’s quick summary of Southern-speak:
Indn’t didn’t it dudn’t wudn’t y’all.
Other useful tests:
How many syllables are there in the word “van”? In the name “Karen”?
Use “y’all” and “all y’all” correctly in a sentence.
Oops! How the Sam Hill did that “it” get in there?
All y’all forgot that to become a true Southerner Meryl also will have to learn the difference between a redneck and a good ole boy.
There is a book called “How To Speak Southern” but, alas, I think it is out of print.
Another mysterious language inhabiting the Anglosphere is Strine. That’s what they speak in Australia (aka Oz).
You pretty much have to start using the second-person plural (“yall”) or you’re still a carpetbagger.
I thought voting Republican was traditional Yankee behavior that was brought to the South by Yankee Imperialist settlers (such as the Bush family).