“Where’s my gold bars?”, asks future POTUS

It is with quiet glee and intense happiness that I’ve perused this article.

Are the gold bars in Fort Knox really made of the precious metal? Or has the U.S. government secretly sold off the nation’s stockpile and replaced it with metal bars that are only painted gold?

Ron Paul wants to find out.

Giving legitimacy to an Internet conspiracy theory that the gold in Fort Knox is fake, the iconoclast Republican congressman from Texas has asked adminstration officials to audit the purity of the nation’s 700,000 gold bars held in Fort Knox, according to an internal Treasury document obtained by CNBC.

Then I have called my supervisor (well, there is still one, my rank in the Elders’ HQ notwithstanding) and received a special permission to go public on this subject. So, here we go.

It is not a secret that chief of Federal Reserve is usually Jewish. Many fine upstanding citizens complained and are complaining about it, to no avail of course. What was a secret until now is that every new Fed chief goes through extensive and exhausting program of athletic training prior to getting the job. I suspect that some of you may have already guessed the reason for it. Indeed, schlepping the fake “gold” bars into Fort Knox and getting the true ones out, all that during the night, is not an easy task. If you appreciate that a gold bar weighs 27.5 pounds and consider the fact that every morning the chief has to be in the office, bright and chirpy, you will understand why we replace them so frequently. No, it’s not because of the cushy job with great benefits, I can tell you that much…

Well, by now the story bears telling, since a) many of you suspected so anyway and b) the job is finished, to Elders’ HQ full satisfaction. We left a few real gold bars here and there, for the usual ole spot check (to be conducted by the chief of Federal Reserve, of course, so we’ve marked these bars by a Star of David). Otherwise, all the good stuff is located now under a certain ugly (some even say ugliest) building in Jerusalem.

As for that:

The Treasury document says it would cost about $15 million to conduct an audit. The process would take about 30 minutes to verify the gold content of each bar, or 350,000 man hours; to do that would would take 400 people working for six months, according to the document.

Really, you should save the money. If this guy become president, he may need it.

So, to take a look backward with some satisfaction:

• 2000 – getting to dominate the world: check.
• 2011 – finishing relocation of the Fort Knox gold: check
• 2011 – upsetting Ron Paul’s digestion: check
• 2020 – so far confidential, but we’ll get there, no doubt.

But, on the bonus side – you could still get this guy for POTUS, you know:

Brr…

Cross-posted on SimplyJews