Wednesday briefs

Your AP media bias line of the day:

The border between Israel and Gaza has been mostly quiet since an Israeli military offensive in the winter of 2008 aimed at stopping almost daily Palestinian rocket fire at Israeli communities.

Violence continues sporadically since then along the border and Palestinians continue to launch mortars and rockets at Israel, but to a much lesser degree.

Oh, so that’s okay, then.

Batshit effing crazy: Egypt is charging an Israeli “spy” in absentia with—wait for it—plotting to destroy the fertility of the Egyptian people. Yes, really.

“According to the public prosecutor’s office’s investigation, ‘Mossad agent Ofir Harrari’ instructed Jordanian Ibrahim abu-Zaid to set up a company in Egypt which would exclusively import an Israeli hair product, for both men and women, which causes infertility. This in order to completely destroy Egyptian reproduction abilities,” Al-Ahram states.

You know what amazes me? How these people aren’t in the running for the Nobel prizes, year after year. Their scientific advancement is utterly stunning. They discovered the Zionist plot to destroy Egypt via shampoo. Damn! There goes another one of our awesome plans to take over the world, down the drain.

Yeah, everything is always Israel’s fault: Hillary Clinton and the Obama administration want Israel to apologize to Turkey for the Gaza flotilla incident. Let us review: Islamists attacked Israeli soldiers with guns, iron bars, knives, clubs, and chains. They injured and captured several soldiers, throwing others over the decks (it’s all on video). Israelis fought back in self-defense, killing nine attackers. And oh yeah—the Turks were trying to break a naval blockade that was put in place to stop the Hamas government from getting even more cash and weapons from other Islamists. So sure, it’s Israel that should apologize. Why? Because the U.S. wants closer ties with Turkey, and Erdogan, sensing blood in the water, is telling Clinton that he won’t make nice with the U.S. if they don’t force Israel to apologize. Netanyahu’s response: Pound sand. I think Israel should apologize. “We’re sorry that we killed nine members of the IHH. It should have been more.” Ya think?

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