Wednesday briefs

YOU can’t come to MY party: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Everyone is invited to the new Iranian president’s inauguration except for the U.S. and, of course, the “Zionist entity”. That’s okay. There’s not going to be any booze at that party, anyway. So you think the media is going to stop pretending Rouhani is moderate? Nah, neither do I.

Eff you, ABC: There is only one soap left for me on network TV. They canceled my favorite NBC soaps years ago. They canceled my favorite ABC soap last year, and I can’t stand watching One Life To Live online and I refuse to shell out the bucks for Hulu Plus. (Really? Pay for a service with commercials instead of commercial-free? Really?) So every evening, after dinner, I fire up the DVR and get ready for my daily fix of General Hospital, the only soap left that I like to watch. And what do I get yesterday? The effing royal couple taking their baby home. Now, look. I actually checked out a Daily Mail news article and was feeling a little consideration for them, because after all, they’re just another couple with a new baby and the looks of joy on their faces were rather sweet. But fuck you, ABC, for thinking that is important enough to interrupt my soap. That is not news. That is gossip. And it did NOT need to take up 15 minutes of my time. All I can say is: Thank goodness for Soapnet. Oh, and ABC? Fuck you.

Not gonna happen: Too many countries are going to cheat. Zero it out? Uh-uh. There’s no way the U.S. can get sanctions on Iranian oil exports so strong that Iran can’t sell it anywhere. They’re going to smuggle it over the border no matter what.

The EU finally acknowledges Hezbollah’s terrorism: Well, half of it. They’re using the fiction of the “military wing” of Hezbollah, just like they do with the Palestinian terror groups. Not that it’s going to make a difference. There will be no sanctions against Hezbollah, even as the organization itself insists there is no difference between its “military” and “political” wings. In other words: Europe doesn’t care if people are raising money on European soil for the purpose of exterminating Jews. Gee, what a surprise.

If you were born in Jerusalem, you weren’t born in Israel: A U.S. court has invalidated a law stating that Jerusalem is part of Israel. The Administration (and the previous ones) have never acknowledged Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

And here we go with the “humanitarian crisis” stories: Once again, the UN is insisting that Gaza is going to suffer a humanitarian crisis. Why this time? Because Egypt has shut down 80 percent of the smuggling tunnels. I guess the solution should be DON’T SMUGGLE WEAPONS, MORONS. But of course, the EU is going to insist that the tunnels were for vital humanitarian products. Like cars. And televisions.

“While the only Israeli crossing for goods … has remained open and is handling increased quantities of consumers’ goods, we are concerned that already difficult economic and humanitarian conditions in Gaza will further deteriorate, if access into Gaza through legal crossings of basic commodities like building materials is not liberalized,” Serry said.

Uh-huh. Building materials, which are being used to build tunnels full of rockets and weapons. But the UN doesn’t care about that.