Snarky briefs

If it’s Monday, that means it’s time for Snarky News Briefs. (I just made that up, actually, and if anyone can think of a way to mix the words “snark” and “news” that doesn’t sound stupid, suggest it in the comments.)

Hamas is Argus Filch: There was a point in the Harry Potter books where the Hogwarts caretaker goes around trying to punish children for “acting happy.” Well, Hamas tried to arrest someone because she was laughing out loud. Yes. Really. Instead, they detained her for not wearing a headscarf. But don’t think that Hamas is trying to create a Taliban-like state in Gaza, because that just shows you’re a neocon who doesn’t believe Hamas wants peace and peaceful relations with Israel.

Pull the other leg: Salaam Fayad says Jews would be welcome to live in the Palestinian state. Even in Hebron. Sure, because that’s why now, the PA imprisons people who sell land to Jews, and Palestinian law carries a death penalty for the offense. But hey, Jews are going to be welcome in Palestine. Really. Honest. Scout’s honor!

Gilad who? The UN is going to hear testimony by Noam Shalit that the abduction and continued detention of his son is a war crime. But don’t worry. We’re pretty sure the UN will ignore him.

The crude, homemade rockets: The UN is now hearing testimony from Israelis injured by kassam rockets. Still, don’t expect their investigation into Gaza war crimes to include anything much about Hamas war crimes. Tea and sympathy is the best Israeli witnesses can expect. (Read the article in full.)

Netanyahu: Two states for two people. World: YOU DON’T WANT A PALESTINIAN STATE! Sorry, I spent all the snark in the subhead on this one.