Terms of Use: Yourish.com
By reading, linking to, quoting, printing out, or in any way making use
of Yourish.coms content in any means,
place, or forum, you agree to the following:
1. All original content of Yourish.com
is copyrighted by Yourish.com's owner, presently
Meryl Yourish, and is not to be used without permission except as provided
herein. In order to get my express permission, it will be necessary to
bribe me. Acceptable bribes will be (but not limited to): Yukon
Gold potato chips (the regular kind, none of those frou-frou flavors),
Godiva Grand Menthes (many, many of those) or other plain Godiva
chocolates (I don't like the ones with nuts in them), backrubs, videos
and DVDs of all Sondheim's plays available (tickets to performances of
Sondheim works may be substituted), Hersheyets (I cannot find them anywhere
anymore, and I love the Hershey's version of M&M's), and an exact
copy of the needlepoint in my vet's office that says "Home is Where
the Cat Is" (I can't do needlepoint. It takes patience. I have none.).
2. Permission is granted to quote, cite, link to, print out or otherwise
use Yourish.com content, so long as you
comply with the terms below (and above! My bribes! Don't forget my
bribes!).
A. All quotations from Yourish.com
will include credit to Yourish.com or to
Meryl Yourish and, wherever practicable, a hyperlink of the form http://www.Yourish.com
... to the site. Plus, you have to post, "Meryl is the kewlest person
ever11! She rUlez, d00dz!1!11!"
B. In exchange for the access to Yourish.com
content described above, you agree not to sue Yourish.com
for its content, whether original or linked or quoted from another source,
in any court, on any grounds whatsoever in law or equity. (I really
like that last. You're screwed, dudes.) Should you violate this agreement
by filing such a lawsuit, you agree to pay Yourish.com's
owner or owners the sum of one million billion jillion gazillion dollars
(how many zeroes is in that?) as liquidated damages, in addition to paying
for everything else, and, oh, while I'm at it, my cats need a new Kitty
Condo, I want a bikini top for my Jeep, another VCR, the third season
of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD, tickets to the World Series, and gift
certificates for trainers and massage therapy at the Richmond JCC. You
have to pay for that, too. And I want a kitten. No, wait, scratch that.
Too much trouble to raise. I want you to raise the kitten, only
now make it four of them, and I get to visit and play with them whenever
I want.
C. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah. (I think this one
means you owe me more money.)
D. If you are a corporation, you have to pay two million
billion jillion gazillion dollars, plus give me a lifetime supply
of Godiva chocolates, and now I'm seriously thinking about making you
hire me male escorts anytime I damned well please, for the rest of my
life.
3. If you do not agree to these terms of use, exit the site immediately,
destroy all copies of Yourish.com content
remaining in any form on your computer, any other computer or network
device under your control, in print form, or on any information storage
or retrieval device that you possess or control. Print out whatever copy
is left, apply salt and pepper, cook at 350°F., then eat it warm.
Then execute the following affidavit and send it by certified mail to
Yourish.com, Richmond, VA, uh, waityou
think I'm going to give you my address? On the Internet?
Yeah, right.
Affidavit
I hereby certify under penalty of perjury that I read everything on this
page and agree with it (well, except maybe for the male escort part, I'm
pretty sure that's illegal), and (all right, maybe I don't agree with
the exact form of payment, because nobody really knows what a jillion
is. Or a gazillion.) and I understand that action contrary to these statements
constitutes both perjury and a violation of the Yourish.com
Terms of Use, subjecting me to possible civil and criminal liability.
(And almost certainly the ridicule of my peers for being stupid enough
to sign something like this.) (HEY! I HEARD THAT. I'm right HERE!)
_________
Signed (include date)
_________
Witnessed (notary)
Notary Seal:
My commission expires: ______________
(If anyone gets what that stuff up there means, let
me know. On second thought, never mind. Nobody's gonna really print this
out and mail it to me, anyway.)
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